While I hoped this site would sprout wings and fly, it perhaps never had the nourishment it needed to develop healthy bones and ligaments. Or perhaps its bones were far too heavy for it to leave the ground. In any case, here it lies, a wimpering near-carcass.

The other two major players have taken their writing behind closed doors (password-protected that is), and no longer wish to cavort in the open field. And personally, I have too many other blogs I can’t keep up with.

Although, I will say, this blog is one in which I tend to wax more wordy…less heady, more fluid. I like that.

WELL I don’t know what I should do. Remove the “group” elements and make it back into a singleton blog? Admit defeat and close the doors?

See, I’ve lately realized my attentions are completely divided. I’ve started more and more projects (websites), and unlike books which you can put a final sentence in and close for good, when you make a website, there it stands in perpetuity, asking “What now?”. Websites are perpetual beings. All these open flames draw my oxygen and I begin to wilt.

See how much more interesting my writing is here? Sigh. I am always so damn messianic on cheekyboots. I must save the world thusly, and by first cutting open my head for all to see. Blah on that.

No one has requested to join my little merry lack-of band for some time (excepting a few spammers), so I could remove those functions. And remove the words of those who deign not share themselves with any but a careful few. I ask, what is the point of that? But then again, I have never been private with my thoughts.

No, my approach tends more toward oversharing and hoping somewhere, someone perks up and turns her grace upon me. I was never able to be mysteriously aloof. I live in perpetual fear of the right person not knowing I exist. The person who might actually understand me. The rest of humanity, what they know or don’t know of me, eh. Who cares? I write not for the masses, but for the few who may understand.

The awareness has crept upon me once again that I’m not a social butterfly. Not in real life (meatspace), and not in the virtual world either. I maintain my social network to be visible for a few, not for the many. This may be an altogether silly strategy however, for if I am meaning to attract other such souls who dislike the trivial and surface and yearn for the deep and intense, will they really be found on Facebook? And will they really recognize a kindred soul if I have 189 “friends”? Might they not assume I am some other beast entirely?

Sigh. Marketing, it always comes back to marketing.

I think the beauty of this blog is that I created it, not to document my brilliance (the original mission for cheekyboots), but just to have a space to blather. This affords me a liberty I find missing in all my other online writing endeavors.

There is no purpose here except to translate my inner experience into words. And that, my friend, is fun.

So, I will not shut these doors. I don’t know quite what I will make of this house, but I will not demolish it. I might repurpose it.

Or I might not. Perhaps the illusion that I’m writing in the midst of an online colony of other misshapen and misconstrued authors helps me emerge as a more true and eloquent version of myself. Certainly I feel cloaked in a certain anonymity.

So. This blog will not fall beneath the ax today. Perhaps anon. Or perhaps a clear vision of its purpose will arise in my mind and trot forward to be enacted forthwith.