I had a rockin’ meeting tonight with my Hakomi group. Much unfolded.

I’m going through this period of uncertainty. The confidence that I normally draw on readily is just missing. I look around the world and it suddenly seems much larger than before. I had a plan, I was ready for a world the size I thought it was. But suddenly its far larger and I don’t have a plan. My plans don’t work. I’m bewildered and afraid.

But hark, here is a thread of awakening to tug on. My plans in the world are based around fortifying and protecting myself from criticism. Be perfect, be seamless, and also, preach to the choir. But the new world is so large I can’t possibly prepare.

This is familiar. My family was critical. I was always on guard, preparing for the next insult, the next jest or jab. I had to be aware of the world at all times, and I was lucky that it was small. I had an iron grip on it.

Out in the world, I’ve created a bubble. It’s small enough that I have a handle on it, and I’ve filled it with non-jabby people.

But ultimately it is too small. I am bored. I am frustrated. I want to be known. I want to explore. I want to venture into new neighborhoods and meet new people. I want to impact the world.

And I want to feel up to it. I want to know how to handle criticism without wilting or biting. I want to bend and sway like bamboo or some shit. I want to be OK.

So I want more exposure. There it is. Following on the heels of last weeks post, which was all about being OK with my bubble and not ever leaving it. Hah! I laugh at my bubble! It is time to think about maybe looking out over the rim and maybe sorta kinda sticking my toe outside my bubble sometime soon but not right this second but soon. It is time for that!

Yes. Excellent.